Moments in time when I simply allow my existence at a standstill, - I let my mind wander through the labyrinth that make up my past year, and strangely, I seem to extract from it selectively only the most hurting frustrations, thwarting disappointments and disconcerting denials that have painted my experiential world.
Talk about an early morning that had wrapped me up with overflowing enthusiasm.... to meet up with one whom I looked forward to receive from some loving words, or at least encouraging ones, ....only to get a cold splash on the face with words that cut instead. Talk about setting a goal and then to try reaching out to it with blood and tears, ....only to watch all that labor slip through my fingers like sand at the end of the day. Talk about the planning I so meticulously crafted to earn some distinction of efficiency, .....only for things to go haywire at the last moment so that guess what, I earn a 'commendation' for incompetence instead! Why, I ask, can't recall be anything at all but painful!
So I sit back and let the process walk its way. This is a process, I must insist, - if only to give myself a breather of sorts. Because life, it is said, is not about accomplishment ! It is about doing, participating, growing. It is a journey rather than a destination: -a series of events unfolding as you make your way. Now wasn't it Washington Irving who believed that "little minds attain and are subdued by misfortunes, great minds rise above them"? From somewhere I also read that adversity can strip the music out of life only if we allow it to. So what kind of a mind am I going to choose for my own? Am I to let my life empty of its music? And come to think of it, - life is actually a blend of rain and sunshine! So it can't be that all I have is rain!
Of all those failures and setbacks, shouldn't I then continue to ask: -couldn't it be possible that there came back-to-back with them a touch of fun and enjoyment, at least, .....or some hopeful meaning or lesson learned, ......or even just a thin shadow of beauty and splendor? Couldn't it have been that when I closed my eyes to insult , ....and offered, in a turnabout way, understanding in terms of the healing words I reciprocated with, .....it gave me that peace and joy I couldn't explain? Couldn't it have been that when failure and helplessness were the highlights of my day, these made me grab hold of life in a way that I turned my back to the uncomfortable present and sought for more challenging alternatives? Couldn't it be that when I questioned God why I must go through the fire, He gently took my hand in His and blessed me with insight into a transcendent reality that overshadowed the problems I nursed as if they were at best puerile? And I realize all these, in fact, certainly were!
As it is, I have been staring only at half the whole of my world. I have to admit that remembering is supposed to be an encompassing reckoning because each and every aspect of my life is apparently connected to one another. I have to have all the pieces for a total reflection....to fully appreciate and fathom how rich it is and from there, control my choices..... at least to make the best of the choices I make as I am aware I do not always make the best choices. And now, the renewal..... reaffirming my resolve to take responsibility for the quality of my life...to make it happen the way I want to take it.
An unknown poet had written these lines:
Life itself can't give you joy, unless you really will it;
Life just gives you time and space, it's up to you to fill it.
Sounds like great advice to me.
Thanks much, Frank!
No comments:
Post a Comment