A lot has been said about this thing called 'love'. For one, it is a basic human need - to love and be loved. And this need to love, when met, apparently would harmonize all else to one's general well-being. Song and poetry have identified it as a many-splendored thing, a strong predilection for anything, an affectionate feeling for another, a decisive will for the well-being of this other, and we could go on and on.
There are a couple of aspects to consider though, foremost of which would be that love is not a feeling. Feelings are indeed related to love as the first attraction of love is usually experienced in terms of very strong affectionate sensations. If I were to be in love with you on the basis of feelings alone, I'd long to be close to you at all times. I'd go sleepless nights for each day that I don't see you. I'd willingly go on forever without food or patiently with any or all inconvenience ... for as long as the reason were you! In other words, I'd go acting the prima donna of the insane!
But feelings are fickle. I may feel on top of the world in the morning at one point - only to feel so down by the end of the day. So it would definitely be fatal to identify love with feelings. You know what I think of love? Of true love? It would be nothing less than a well-thought serious decision. It certainly can not be just a feeling!
Yet another aspect would be commitment, which by definition, is a state of being bound emotionally and intellectually to a course of action or to a person.... it is a sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose. Thus can I enter into a love-relationship only with one - and this entails a choice anchored on the amount of things I can share with you... our capacity to fulfill each others needs, interests, values....down to what is called 'chemistry'. In this wide, wide world, you will be the one who is just right for me and the one to whom my whole life and existence will belong.
Love then is basically practiced in the act of 'sharing'. You and I committed to each other in a love-relationship share each other's life, - each other's pains and joys. A known author I've read contends, among others, that 'communication' is the word for 'sharing'. Meaning, if I communicate a secret of mine to you, we share it and we have it in common. If love is sharing and sharing is communication, this then makes communication the very essence of love, don't you think? It might also be said that communication would be 'the key to staying in love' - because staying in love is to actually love, to keep sharing and living out one's commitment. The work of love is to achieve total transparency and well, this apparently is not very easy to achieve. But 'love works for those who work at it!'
Now communication further encourages dialogue as much as discussion. Another author makes an arbitrary distinction between the two in that the former entails information exchange of emotion, whereas the latter deals with the things predominantly of intellectual nature. So that in a love-relation with you, part of this relationship would be an exchange of ideas.... a discussion of plans, choices, values. There is a good chance I won't agree with you in some, or even in most of these ideas, - leading to a break-down in our communication. Which is why dialogue comes in as a significant complement for discussion.... it is important for us to be free in expressing our emotions as well. This expression of emotion should, in fact, be a must. I would have to share my emotions with you if I am to share my ideas totally - so that our affection for each other would deepen even if we hold differing views on things.
So then now, how would I love you? I would love you with my heart and soul! I would love you with the deepest of feeling and with the strongest of commitment - that's how very much I would love you, yes. If I loved you!
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